Friday, August 31, 2012

Pin Curl n. A usually damp, coiled strand of hair secured with a bobby pin or clip and combed into a wave or curl when dry.


Dearest Kate,



“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” -Audrey Hepburn

Is there anything better than being an eighteen year old girl?

Always&Forever--

Cherish.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Illuminated

Dear Cherish,

crunch. crunch. crunch.

The sound of footsteps on gravel echoed off the hills. I stared at my feet and kept the conversation light. He walked ahead of me, chatting politely, asking questions. I answered, equally polite, grateful for the company tonight. I wondered for just a moment what I would say to that boy tomorrow, should he care to ask what I had done the night before, but a question jerked my mind to the present:

"Are you doing okay back there?"

Was I doing okay? Was I truly okay? Wasn't it sad that I had to think about if I was doing okay? Emotionally, no. I was not okay. In fact, I was a mess. A frazzled jumble of crazed emotions and loose wires, ready to fall apart at any moment. I was not okay. But I replied,

"Yup. Totally fine."

We kept going. Because that's what you do right? You just keep going. No matter what happens, no matter who hurts you, or how badly you hurt yourself, or anything, you lie, and keep going. And people will ask you how you're doing and you will lie through your teeth and smile and think to yourself, "I just want to cry." But you'll say something else. It's always something else.

But when we got to the top, the top of that mountain, and we saw the lights and we just stood and watched them sparkle and wink and whisper to each other, I began to feel different. And the wind was blowing and my calves were complaining and my toes were squished in my old running shoes, but I felt better. Bigger. More alive.

And I was tingling. Feeling fresh. And you know what? And the end of that hard day, at the top of the mountain, in the shade of regret, the moon came out from behind the clouds, and in that moment, everything was

illuminated.

Even me.



Always & Forever,

Kate

Favored Factorials.

Dearest Kate,

It was a tuesday night around nine or nine thirty, the glow of my bedroom lamp illuminated a crouched shadow against the curve of the attic walls. Your voice was tucked between my head and shoulder as I used my hands to gently pull at the edges of a foul smelling bandage I had forgotten to change on my back ankle. The bandage had grown into the cut as it had healed, forcing me to reopen the wound. Every time I would scream into the phone, you would calmly respond with an insight on a few of our most controversial topics, challenging my thoughts and opinions. The way nobody else could. Your efforts distracted my mind from the situation at hand, loosening the rippling pain.
Sometimes, when I step out of the shower, I run the pads of my fingers over the indent of the scar, and I think of you.

I think of you lazily spread out beneath the sky, like you never had a care in the world. I think of you challenging every thought I had, questioning every intention behind my actions.
I was glass to you, a walk in the park, a simple math equation, but I must have been one of your favored factorials, because you were just as intrigued as I was.
i fell in love with our friendship, and you fell in love with me. I could never love you like that, and you? you could never let go of your pride. We did let go of us though, didn't we.

Except, we didn't. At least, I didn't.
My mind questions information now. I search for truth in every opinion, every fact, rather than allowing it to slip down my throat. And sometimes, I find myself sitting beneath the shade of a tree, my legs lazily spread out beneath me as I chew on a sandwich. And you know, if a friend were to call while re-opening a wound, I think I would know exactly what to say.

I even watch action movies.
And the worst part of it is,
I kind of like them.

It's your turn now, Kate. Who has made you see the world differently, yourself differently?

Always&Forever--


Cherish.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Right

Dear Cherish,

You were right.

I do choose my friends. And when I choose them, I give them so much love and compassion and witty banter and intelligent discussions that they have no choice but to be my friend in return. Seriously though. I met this girl and I wanted to be her friend. And now we will be. It's that simple.

Also, I was so worried about gaining the obligatory "Freshman Fifteen" but my campus is so HUGE there is no way I'm gaining any weight. I have to walk everywhere. My poor feet. I've been so busy already. But good news:

-I love college.
-I got involved with the K-UTE radio station so I will be announcing the news on Tuesdays.
-It's no big deal that they call me "Kate"
-My dorm is so cute.
-I have a Mac. It only took all my savings since I started babysitting.
-I love college.
-We should Skype.
-I feel so light and happy and free knowing I can choose what I want to do.
-I'm feeling crafty.
-I love college.


Also, I miss you. Write me sometime okay? I'll send you pictures soon.


Always & Forever,

Kate

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Different

Dear Cherish,

Sometimes I wish that things were different. Sometimes I wish that when I inhaled, I could smell that easy familiarity that seemed to just hang around us. He and I. Just the way we were. Cuddled up or laughing as we walked hand in hand. It's unsettling watching all these people we went to high school (remember high school?) with getting engaged. I wonder if they really know what they're doing. Of course, I have no right to doubt their love. I would never do that. But sometimes I wonder if they truly understand the weight and the consequences of their decision.

But then again, I lost the person I loved the most. And no, I don't believe he and I are truly lost, but we did lose our way. And he's not here. And I'm going to be missing him even more. I look at people. I watch these couples. I watch the adorableness of it all. I want a baby girl that I can put ribbons in her curls and know that part of her is him. But the thought terrifies me. What if somedday I have that and it's not him? And I wish it was?

Did you ever think we'd be here? Did you ever think it would come so fast? Did you ever think that you'd be moving away and wondering what the world is going to offer you? Did you ever wonder what would happen after the good-bye?

I saw your brother is home. I'm so happy for you. I bet you're just filled with bliss. I want to be blissfully filled. I want to blissfully fill others too. I hope you're having a great day.


Always & Forever,

Kate